Sing Along.

"You're rusty," she says, taking her hands from the piano keys.

"I know," I reply. "I've forgotten the words." I study the music over her shoulder. It's a song that I never wanted to be familiar; a song that never struck chords inside me until I needed it the least. It has become my feelings; it has nestled inside me. A song about someone turning into a completely different person... and leaving someone else behind.

"You used to love this song," she says, turning scrutinizing eyes up to me behind their bifocals.

"I know."

"Why not now?"

I hesitate. "It... read it."

when i look at you
what i always see
is the face of someone else
who once belonged to me
still i can hear him laugh
and even though that memory plays on
he's gone

"You don't sing anymore because of him," she told me simply.

"That isn't true," I said hastily. "I just sang everything with him. It's easier not to have the memories."

when i look at you
he is standing there
i can almost breathe him in
like summer in the air
why do you smile his smile
that heaven i'd forgotten eases through
in you

"Why don't you hate him?" She eyed me. She'd never asked me, in all these months and days and hours. She'd just told me I should. She had never asked me why I didn't.

oh you were once that someone
who i followed like a star
then suddenly you changed
and now i don't know who you are
or could it be that i never really knew you
from the start

"I don't know," I say quietly, picking at the corner of the music book with my broken thumbnail. "It scares me how easily I could. It's weird, how close love and hate can be, you know?"

did i create a dream
was he a fantasy
even a memory is paradise
for all the fools like me

"Would you ever date him again?" she asked me. Somehow, I knew that this time I could give her an honest answer... not just the one she wanted.

"No," I said, blinking away my tears. Even after all this time, it's such a tender spot, a place that exposes me too much. "No, I wouldn't. He's a complete stranger now... and I think he will be forever."

now remembering is all that i can do
because i miss him so
when i look at you